Forgettable Movie Files - Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)

Merlin's Shop of Mystical FAIL

Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders. A happy, joyous, family friendly romp through fields of bright pink daffodils and bumblebees...or IS IT?? Yes, that's right, this is a horror movie marketed for kids. Well, actually, more like two short horror stories connected to Merlin. Well, more like two short horror stories in a story in a movie. Got that? Good. We're about to enter one of the worst family films of all time.

When the power goes out in a suburban household, a Grandpa (Ernest Borgnine) decides to tell his Grandson (Mark Hurtado) a story. Fortunately, he remembers a script he once wrote for TV called Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders, about the famous wizard (George Millan) traveling to our time and opening up a store of "magical enchantments" (must be an adults only store). The story then focuses on two encounters with gifts from the shop. The first short story (within a story) is about a selfish newspaper critic (John Terrence) who goes power mad when he gets a book of Merlin's spells. The second story features a family who come across a toy monkey that kills people by banging its two cymbals together, which causes disastrous events. Enjoy, kids!

So...why would Merlin even have that toy monkey? Did he think "Hmm, I should have a monkey that kills people just in case I want to traumatize an entire family" or something? And the strange thing is, the film begins with the Grandson watching a movie on TV where a gypsy living in a fairly obvious miniature model house is killed by the toy monkey right before the power cuts out, so what is that supposed to mean? Actually, there is one partial answer. The director was so cheap that he took footage from a horror movie he had made twelve years earlier and used it as the second story. Wow. And on top of that, didn't Stephen King once write a story about a toy monkey who kills people with its cymbals? That's a really bad sign when you start ripping off Stephen King in a FAMILY movie.

Now, let's talk about the first story. In it, the snooty newspaper columnist takes the spellbook home after Merlin gives it to him as a free gift and finds spells that allow him to breathe fire and control animals...you know, spells that no one would ever use for evil! In one scene, a spell put on the cat backfires, and he viciously attacks his owner. But the critic fights back by roasting Mr. Mittens alive with his fire breath. OK, that's both unintentionally hilarious and disturbing at the same time.

But wait, there's more. The man starts to age rapidly, because doing a lot of magic drains your life force. Well...of course!! Everybody knows that! But how does the man learn this? Well, the devil appears to tell him so. What the hell?? (no pun intended).

The only thing one thinks of while watching this festering feces is "Who on Earth was this made for?" It often revolves around adults instead of kids, it's a horror movie, and yet that's how it's marketed. It just sucks. As a matter of fact, the only time I would recommend this is if it was with the hilarious Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary.